poisonedpixy's Blog

The craziest thing happened to me today. I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing my floors in the apartment. My mop broke, so I thought I would just do it the old fashioned way. As I was turning to rinse the cloth out, my right knee cap kind of shifted causing the most excruciating pain. Immediately it swelled a little and I could see a bruise starting to form; but I was determined to finish the mopping since I only had a little bit left. Painfully, I managed.

Then tonight, as I was relaxing watching TV, I pulled up my pant leg to take a look at it. It apparently didn't really bruise; but there's a golf ball sized knot on my knee cap! Could I have chipped my knee cap? Is that even possible?

My boyfriend lost his job a year and 3 months ago. He really hasn't put much of an effort in to find another job. In the last year and 3 months, as far as I know he has only had 3 or 4 job interviews. He never went to the unemployment office or went around to various places for applications. I only know of a handful of applications he filled out online. This has happened before and I had so hoped it would be different this time.

I've been on disability for the last couple of years, so I haven't worked for well over 5 years. In the state of TN it generally takes 3 years, 3 very LONG years, to get disability. The money I receive from SSD only covers 2 bills, my child support payment and my student loans. For the last couple of years and especially for the last year and 3 months, I have had to rely on a small inheritance that was left to me by family just to pay the rent, electricity, and buy food. That money will be completely gone by the end of October.

I'm terrified. I'm scared I will lose everything again. I have no friends other than my boyfriend. My family has refused any type of emotional support for several years. A few years ago I asked my mother and sister for help. I wanted to move back to my hometown to be closer to them and my son who lives there with his father. They both turned me away and I lost everything I owned that year. I desperately don't want to go through that again.